Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
