corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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