Don't make out with my wife yet
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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