Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
