i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
