you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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