Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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