News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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