He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
