can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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