Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
