Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
