We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
