Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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