my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
