Yo dont text me then not text me
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
