omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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