The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We got so high we made milksteak
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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