The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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