There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
