dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
