Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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