trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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