i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Im just a social blackout drinker.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
