why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
