dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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