I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
