Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
