Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
