You're completely useless in the revolution.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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