CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
