Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
