Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
