Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
