You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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