Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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