I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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