i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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