If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
