Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
