i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize