Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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