i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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