my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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