The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
