Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
