Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
