what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
