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It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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