I've blown a few things in my day
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
