dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
