Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
