NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize