i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
