i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
