I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All the doctor said was why
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
