She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just invented taco cereal.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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