a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
