So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's never too late to be topless.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
