Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
