it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
