2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
