His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
