anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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