These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Randomize
