This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
