Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
