Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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