The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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