Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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