It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
